I’ve been MIA for a while, in fact the blog has actually been on private setting since December until last night. I don’t even know where to start with why or how, or all the things in between now and then. It’s a blur of meds, doctors, the holidays, cops, a dead dog, crisis intervention, special ed, IEPs, me learning how to be “that kind of mom” to get shit done, losing my crap, ER visits, a kid getting suspended for sexual harassment (that was fun btw), social workers, firing therapists, pulling one kid from school, my husband almost cutting off three fingers, a home remodel, and my house having no bath or shower for 4 weeks. Ya’ll it has been a madhouse, and I secretly loved all of it. And yet, somehow I have not become some raging alcoholic through all of this, managed to keep my sanity, and still get some fun things accomplished. I feel like a modern day version Towanda, from Fried Green Tomatoes. I’m seriously getting used to the fact that my purpose in life might just be for me to walk through the fire so I can help others walk it more gracefully and help them do it better, faster, easier. Whatever the reason, I just manage to always get stuff done and come out smiling. And I just don’t know how.
I get comments like “I don’t know how you do it” “I feel so bad for you” or “I just couldn’t do what you do everyday.” But you know what? No one can predict this when they have kids. No one knows the hand they’ll be dealt. We really have no damn clue and it is all a crap shoot. Here’s the deal though, and I mean this as blunt and harsh as it sounds, I call bullshit on your comments. I just do. If they were your babies, you too would do absolutely anything in your power to get by, provide the best, and help your kid as much as possible.
So don’t make those comments, or feel sorry for me. Here’s a few reasons:
Number 1: I don’t need anyone to put me on some pedestal or feel sorry for me. This is my life. And there are not guarantees on how your life is gonna go. In fact, the only guarantee in life is that is probably, 100% NOT going to go your way. And frankly, I kind of like it that way. It keeps me on my toes.
Number 2: Everyone’s life sucks just a little bit in some way, we just don’t all know it. You can blame Facebook for that tidbit. Your friends lives are not all sunshine and roses, but only a few really share their life’s real struggles. If you are my friend, or a reader of this blog, I know you know that I don’t sugar-coat anything, but let’s face it, some of your FB friends are lying. They ALL have some shitty part of their life. Honestly, it’s a bit of what helps me get by sometimes. So, my life isn’t some soap opera, special ed nightmare. It’s just my life. Some people spend their weekdays and weekends at endless baseball games and practices, I spend my days at doctor’s offices, school meetings, and therapy appointments. Frankly, it is more of an endurance sport, and most of you are lucky enough to get to just sit on your asses and eat sunflower seeds on the weekends while your kids attempt to make the major leagues (haha, good luck on that one), while I just spend a lot of time talking my kids through things. At least I don’t have to travel and pay for hotel rooms to do that, and yes that is a dig at traveling sports parents. Haha calm down, just joking. Been there, done that.
Number 3: Life is all about acceptance. And I am not saying that I have always been on board with this idea, but I’m pretty hard core on it these days. Seriously, no amount of bitching and crying about your circumstances will change any of it. Truth bomb. If you’re still doing that, GROW UP. I read a really great sign at my middle schooler’s guidance counselor’s office the other day that I loved: “If you have time to complain about your problem, you have time to do something about it.” Reminds me of the philosophy of In N Out Burger: “if you have time to lean, you have time to clean.” In a nutshell, and in the words of Disney’s beloved Elsa, “Let it go!” And start changing things. This is your puzzle, put it together.
So yes, my life has been a bit bumpy the last few years. I bet yours has too, but it is all about perspective. Special needs parents need help and friendship more than they need your pity. I don’t write these blogs for you to feel sorry for me, not one little bit. I do it because I bet some people think they are alone and I know that I have had an impact on some friend’s and stranger’s lives. I write because it makes me feel better and helps me process my thoughts. I also do it because some of it is just really damn funny and I like to make people laugh. Do you get it now?
Life is beautiful, especially when you traverse a difficult path, or you watch your kid succeed at something that was previously difficult for them to manage, and when, as a family, you come to terms and learn to just make the best of it. Everything is doable, in its own way. This is all just a piece of my puzzle.
Thanks for reading. I’m not going anywhere. And these stories are just piling up, so expect to hear more from me soon.