Kid Quote of the Day: Sleep

Kid Quote of the Day:
“I’m NOT tired,” Kids everywhere.

Also, it’s the biggest lie told everywhere by kids. Any adult, anywhere will tell you how tired they are, one hundred times a day, and they’d almost always willingly take a nap, too. Not kids, they’re living in opposite world, where the ability and time available to nap is unending, and they just fight it like big, giant stupid heads.

I need more naps in my life, my bet is, so do you.

I went round and round with my 12yo tonight who was beyond grouchy. He was beyond any semblance of decency, in fact, just like last night. 12 years old and going on 92 year old, “getoffmylawnyouhoodlums” kind of unreasonable grouchy. It’s absurd. I could buy him a Ferrari and still do it wrong. This is my life.

Last night he did something similar, an evening of one syllable responses, caveman grunts, and flat out rude nastiness. Where has my sweet little boy gone, all doe-eyed and cuteness? Replaced by a kid who calls everyone “fool,” and thinks we are all out to get him. I’m halfway to crazy, guys.

I already survived raising another kid into adulthood, I had forgotten I’d have to do this with each and every one of my kids. Damn. I’m exhausted, and he’s only my 2nd kid. Does obamacare cover military school in Afghanistan? It should, it’d be good for my health and his safety.

Last night, after dinner, I found him fast asleep, face down in a pile of Lego. This was right after he’d yelled at someone for drinking a glass of juice. Totally understandable.

We. Drank. Juice.

Man, we are terrible people. Monsters. Juice killers. No wonder he yelled at us, someone please call CPS. I cannot believe I’m allowed to have kids.

There he was moments later, fast asleep in the playroom. Too old to be nice to mom anymore, apparently, not too old to play with Lego. I’m so confused, the kid is stuck in the land of in-between, the age of 12, which is somewhere between little boy and teenager. It’s gotta be torture for him, because it is for me.

Save me. Save him. I’m going to just close my eyes till he’s 18, I swear.

Tonight just as I’m reminding him about his nap last night, he screamed:

And I quote, “I’m not tired!”

And I just had nothing left in me to respond. No smart ass remarks or motherly words of wisdom. I just sat down and said “okay.” I willed myself to not react and let it go, praying for it to die down by not poking the bear. It’s usually a good strategy with him.

Guess what?

He literally fell asleep before I even finished saying “okay.” And that my friends, is the mystery of motherhood.

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It’s just crazy, wonderful, hilarious, gut-wrenching, maddening, exhilarating, terrifying, frustrating, entertaining, and a whole lot of life-redeeming “I told you so’s.” That’s part of the reward. (Wink, wink)

I need a drink.

And a nap of my own.

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