Fairy Boobs

Warning: Boob Humor

I’ve known my husband since we were kids, for about 27 years now, so I know that he’s silly now in ways that have never quite changed. You know, he’s still 13 in many ways. (Taking bets now on how much my husband hates my blogs) The more I chat with girlfriends about their hubbies, the more I realize that though they mature into men who care for wives and children and hold down jobs, etc. our men folk never quite grow up. So though I have 3 kids, I kind of have 4 kids part of the time (more often than not). Though it’s mostly hilarious, the funny comments and interesting boyhood perspective, from a 40 year old man, as a woman I am often FLOORED at what he says sometimes. Floored in a way that I look at him and think “how in the world are you a grown up?!”

If you’ve been married for a long time you may not be surprised at me telling you that my husband speaks constantly about farts, poop, butts, boobs, and sex, fast food, work, burritos, more farts and sex, pretty much all day, everyday for all of the 16 years we’ve been together. And my boys obviously think this is hilarious. They all feed off each other and I just try to survive my days without being too overwhelmed by the loudness, crassness, crazy boy talk and all.

Farts.

A lot of farts. Both real farts and fart jokes.

Poop.

Dude, whatever. Have you read the book? Everybody Poops. They do, we all poop, and it’s more smelly than funny.

Ahahaha, so funny. Please stop.

Boobs!

Yep, we all have them. Big, little, and itty bitties. Boobies. Tits. Titties. All hilarious to the boy clan in my house, aged 8-40.

Balls.

Save me now. Never say balls in my house, please, but mostly because it just encourages my 8 and 12 year olds.

“That’s what she said.”

If I had a dollar for every time that was said here, I’d never work again. Michael Scott, I blame you.

You get it, right?

Humor in all things, if you can call it humor.

I’m sure by now you’re wondering where I’m going with this and how it relates to fairy boobs. If I told you it had to do with my husband doing the family’s laundry, would you believe me? Because I wouldn’t.

But here we go, here’s the story. All it takes is faith and trust and a little bit of pixie dust!

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Laundry detergent is absurdly expensive and it seems as though every trip we make to Costco, my hubby and I debate a new alternative to that brand name we all love (rhymes with lied), but whose price tag we all hate. To always be factored into this decision is price, quality, and my kids’ ability to use the products without making a huge mess, because they all do their own laundry.

The mess factor, which only matters to my spouse, means I’m not allowed to have liquid fabric softener or liquid detergent anymore. It makes him very upset at the trail of detergent on shelves, the floor, and all over the washer. I get it, it’s not my favorite either. Coincidentally, liquid detergent is my favorite. I have missed it for years, though I’ll admit to not missing the mess. My kids just don’t seem to get that putting detergent everywhere but INTO the washer is not okay. It makes daddy crazy. And crazy daddy makes mommy not very happy, and we all know that saying “if mama ain’t happy…ain’t nobody happy,” is totally true.

We’ve also tried every single bargain brand or lesser brand of powdered detergent that’s a little more cost friendly. Honestly, I’m either outrageously allergic to them all or they’re complete junk. I know they’re cheaper, but they should at least be decent, in other words, my clothes shouldn’t fall apart, get stained by the detergent, or feel like cardboard when I use lower priced choices. Sadly, I haven’t met a detergent besides Tide that I love, also, I really love Downey fabric softener. One sniff of that detergent and the softness of my clothes and I am transported back to my childhood.

One more visit to Costco and we determined that this option (pictured below), by Kirkland, was the best of both worlds, it was decently priced and it was liquid, which is my favorite. Also, how in the world could my kids mess this up? (Wait, don’t answer that, I don’t want to know.)

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They’re little detergent pods with liquid detergent inside (yay!), but you just throw them in the washer.

I’m in love!

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So my hubby’s been helping around the house more because I asked him to, which included laundry. Absolutely no issue there. I love the help. The other day I was hanging up my clothes and folding laundry in our room and he comes in to see me with this mischievous grin.

Come on dude, what now?

Hubby says to me:
“I just used the new laundry pods and I don’t like them. I’m so creeped out by them. They’re squishy and weird, like little tiny fairy boobs. I don’t know if I’m allowed to use them. It’s wrong.”

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Now I’ve heard of weird ways to get out of laundry and chores, but calling a household cleaning product a fairy boob and claiming it creeps you out takes the cake. And it’s not going to work either. I just let him know that even if it feels like cheating, he’s gonna have to grab the fairy boobs and throw them in the washer. I love your commitment to me and all, honey, and that it feels like you’re cheating when touching the fairy boobs, but I also love it when you do laundry. I’m going to allow this boobage discretion for the sake of clean clothes.

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I may have also put a pair of tongs in the canister for him so he won’t have to handle them either. I’m sure this isn’t the last of it, I know I’ll hear weird Tinkerbell jokes every time he does the laundry. Honestly, whatever it takes to lighten my load (of laundry).

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P.S. While writing this I was searching Google for images of fairies. Do NOT Google the phrase “fairy boobs” whatever you do. Please. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

P.S. Again: I know you’ll never look at laundry pods the same way again. For that, I say I’m sorry, but you gotta blame the man of my house for that one.

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6 thoughts on “Fairy Boobs

  1. Lol that’s hilarious! In our house, my 11-year old accidentally stepped on one that “someone” had “accidentally” dropped, and thought it was so cool that he decided to test for distance (i.e. how far he could squirt the liquid inside based on how hard he jumped on them!) Sigh. I had to ban the pods. And they’re my favourite!

  2. Reblogged this on Yes, I Really Did Just Say That. and commented:

    My blog has been on PRIVATE for a while now, while I got my act together. And a friend asked for this the other day, so I reopened the blog so I could share it. And you know what, I miss this place. And my life has been chaotic, so I obvi have a lot to get you caught up on, not to be limited at all. I know you all want to know about IEP hell, our new venture in Special Ed, my husband’s nominal moment of almost cutting off 3 fingers, and my home having no bath or shower for 5 weeks, right? Seriously, my life is insane, but if I can make people laugh, then I guess it is all worth it. See ya soon, bloggy friends, Kindra

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